Two great quotes I heard in the last few days:
The reason I’m so heavy, I think, is my mother is an enabler with food. […] The day I met my mother, I weighed 7 1/2 pounds… Since I met my mother, I’ve put on 293 1/2 pounds. I’m literally 40 times the weight. The woman is the devil!”
I think his math was one pound off, but the joke is still funny.
My body is a temple, and sometimes my body wants cheesecake!”