So, i’ve been a little too serious with my past few posts, so i’m going to get back to my roots of hating on fatties. I didn’t really plan on doing this when I started this blog, but something happened yesterday that forced me to have to talk about a fat co-worker.
There’s two pretty large women where I work, and they both crack me up, but in different ways. Now there are a couple of large men too, but I honestly have never seen them eat, or make any comments about their eating habits. So, I have no material for which to talk about them like I do the two women.
One of them (we’ll call the brunette) isn’t built like your typical “Fat bottomed Girl” as Queen would put it. She’s built like a linebacker, and has almost more upper-body fat. You know, with back fat that hangs over her bra straps. We call her Lou Ferrigno (The Incredible Hulk). She talks all the time about how she’s on Weight Watchers, but whenever someone in the office has a birthday, she has at least one piece of cake (and it’s a big office). Also, I swear, every Monday, I hear her partaking in the usual boring office small talk about how everyone’s weekend went, and she always says something like “I need to get back on my Weight Watchers, I was so bad this weekend!”. But then, to top it all off, I’ve heard her on more than one occasion ask a thinner girl in the office, “How do you do it? How do you stay so thin?”
There aren’t words….
Now on to the Blonde. This one isn’t 49er material, but she is the type that is thankful that most movie theatres now have arm rests that raise up. She doesn’t seem to be trying to lose weight like the other one.
Getting to the point. We recently got a new vending machine in the building, but it doesn’t seem to work so well. I guess they haven’t worked out all of the kinks yet, because bags of chips and packages of oreos are getting stuck a lot. You’d think if you got snack-attacks quite often, and the only source of snacks in the office only worked about 50% of the time, that you wouldn’t bother wasting your money and bring your own tasty snacks to work. But you’d be wrong.
Almost everyday she complains that the “stupid machine” took her money again, because either the ding-dongs got stuck, or it just plain took her dollar. I hear other people complain, but not at the frequency or volume that she does. She doesn’t get embarrassed at all either about it.
This is what she did yesterday: Sometime mid-morning, she does the usual whining about the machine. This time it just kept her Dorito-cheese fingerprinted dollar, and gave nothing in return. She decided to finally put a note on the machine saying that it does not take dollar bills.
But guess what I saw her doing later that day when I was in the break room…..
………that’s right, trying to put more money into the vending machine.
As i’ve said before, you can’t make this stuff up.